insomia

it's 4.23am 14th Jan 2010.
still wide awake at this wiiwang wang hour.
am tired;but not able to sleep.
possibly due to the increased age,
body can no longer tolerate with that small amount of caffeine.
i only had a glass of Teh-ais. thought it's nothing.

or was it because i read a friend's blog,
and was not able to get over it?
but i'm glad that she had finally overcome the hard feeling,
facing the obstacles alone far from hometown is terrible.
i'd not experience any of it,
but sincerely, i could feel what she was feeling from her blog.

frankly, i wasn't close to her during primary & secondary.
but i was amazed by her decision,
putting down the pride and head for her dream.
i was totally surprised by her move.
and she is now, realizing her dream,
while i'm still here,
looking at the stars, hoping they are the same on the other end of the horizon.

should i just step out of the box?
am i able to be that independent?
i cant even answer those questions myself.
pathetic.

it's a dream of mine, going to UK & europe at least once in my life time.
don't ask me why there?
am planning to go there after my graduation, at around june/july/aug this year.
but i don't even have any plan yet.
i don't know whose able to host me when i'm in UK *only for a few days*
i don't know whose wanna go to the Europe tour with me.
all the uncertainties.
just hate it.

how i wish i can just sign up for a 1 year course there.
so i can earn my own pocket money and travel to places i want myself,
without begging people to accommodate me/ bringing me around.
really hating the feeling..


*all the mid night thoughts ==> emo big time*